Pepe Le pew:  Abra Amour
by Lucas18
Summary: Penelope finds herself caught between a rock and a hard place. Witch Hazel wants her tail, while Pepe Le Pew wants her love.  How will she get out of this mess?


Pepe Le Pew: Abra Amour

Author: I received an email request for a Pepe Le Pew fiction, and decided to answer this request. I had planned to separate this fiction into two chapters, but decided to just spare readers the suspense and do it all in one chapter; I'm sorry if the writing is a bit shaky, but it was difficult to accurately describe the plot content one would see in a cartoon. Still, I hope you enjoy it.

Attention: the characters within this fiction are the copyright property of Warner Brothers. My only reason fro using these characters is for the entertainment of fellow Fanfiction authors and visitors. No copyright infringement intention.

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><p>It was a dark, cold night in Transylvania, Romania.<p>

On a spooky hill, above the dark forest, there laid an old house. In this house lived the ugly and wicked Witch Hazel; busy mixing together a disgusting and putrid cauldron of witch's brew.

"Now let's see," Hazel said, checking her book, "eye of fly, wart of frog, tongue of snake, hair of hog; horn of goat, wing of bat, teeth of dog, and tail of cat."

One by one, Witch Hazel added the ingredients. But when she reached for the tail of cat, she saw the container was empty.

"Oh broomsticks," Hazel muttered angrily, snapping her long boney fingers, "I can't finish my brew without a cat's tail. And where am I supposed to find a cat's tail at this hour?"

Suddenly, Witch Hazel heard a sound by the potions cabinet. She looked and saw her pet cat, Penelope, stretching with a yawn on a nearby windowsill. Witch Hazel eyed Penelope's tail, and slowly a crooked smile came to her face.

The witch raced to her kitchen, and came back with a small saucer of cream.

"Here kitty-kitty," Witch Hazel gently called, "I have a treat for you."

Hearing her owner's voice, Penelope raced over. She spotted the saucer of cream, and began to lap up the sweet tasting liquid.

As Penelope licked at the bowl, Witch Hazel raced off in a flash and came back with a measuring tape. She carefully measured the length and width of Penelope's tail; it was the perfect size. She raced off again, and this time came back with a large sharp knife.

Penelope continued to lick the sweet tasting cream; completely unaware of the danger that was about to happen. She stopped to lick the bits of cream that clung to her whiskers, when she suddenly saw a reflection in the saucer. It showed Witch Hazel, grabbing hold of her tail and about to cut it off.

Penelope, letting out a frightened yowl, slipped out of Hazel's grasp and dashed off to another part of the house.

"Well, how do you like that," Witch Hazel grumbled to the audience, "I give her a treat, and this is how she repays me."

Penelope zoomed through the house, and into the ingredients storage room. She slammed the door shut, sending a tremor throughout the room. The tremor reached an overhead shelf where a small bottle of 'eye of newt' was placed. The bottle shook and then tipped; spilling its contents down Penelope's back, leaving a white line from her head to the tip of her tail.

Slowly, Penelope cautiously opened the door and peeked out. She looked up, and saw Witch Hazel; holding a hatchet above her head.

The cat streaked out of the way, and raced back into the living room. She came to a stop at the wall.

Witch Hazel slowly entered the room and approached Penelope. "Come dearie," she spoke gently, "won't you let momma have your tail?"

Penelope shook her head no.

Witch Hazel frowned at this. "So that's how you want it, eh? Well then take this!"

Witch Hazel pointed a finger at Penelope, which shot out a bolt of magic. Penelope dodged the bolt as it hit the wall; scorching the spot where she had stood. Hazel kept firing at the frightened Penelope, who dodged the bolts as she raced across the room.

Penelope raced, literally, through the door, and sped off into the dark forest. Hazel stood and watched as her cat, and cat tail, disappeared from sight. "You know, I lose more pets that way."

Penelope panted heavily as she slowed to a halt and leaned against an old tree. She was truly relieved to escape Witch Hazel; with her tail in one piece. Little did she know that another terrible fate was about to befall her.

* * *

><p>Down the road, a familiar skunk was taking a nice stroll through the dark and spooky woods. Pepe Le Pew, the romantic French skunk, was on another excursion away from his home land; seeking adventure, enlightenment, and, of course, l'amour.<p>

"Ah, Transylvania," Pepe said, as he gazed around at the dark forest, "the rustic surroundings, the great traditions, the beautiful atmosphere. I love it."

(He's not stupid, he just follows the script.)

Taking in the cold brisk air, Pepe continued his walk. Up on a branch, an owl hooted its eerie cry throughout the forest, Pepe walked by, and his stench reached the owl's nose; making it let out a loud, "P-U!"

As Pepe made his way down the road, something suddenly caught his eye. He saw Penelope peeking around the tree; making sure Witch Hazel wasn't following her.

He noticed the white line down her back and gave an amorous smile. "Ah, mon petite skunk femme fatal. And what is this; she is alone and seeks a lover? Fear not moi cherie, your waiting is over."

In a flash, Pepe raced over and held Penelope close in his arms.

"Ah, my darling," Pepe spoke suavely, putting on his romantic charm, "zee thread of fate has brought us together. We are destined to join our hearts in amore. It is love at zee first sight, yes? No?"

Penelope was taken by surprise by this stranger's charm. For a moment, she smiled, thinking this was a handsome cat, but then she saw his tail. This was no cat, it was a skunk! Quickly, Penelope zipped out of Pepe's clutches and raced off down the road.

Pepe looked wide eye in surprise, as his 'new girlfriend' was suddenly gone. He smiled, "foreign beauties, they are so shy, no?"

Penelope raced down the path, out of the forest and to the main road. She gave out a whistle and a carriage pulled over. Penelope jumped in, and the cab road off.

Gasping for breath, Penelope gave a sigh of relief; glad that she had got away from that skunk. Just then a voice spoke next to her.

"Ah, you are zee genius, pigeon," said Pepe, sitting next to her, "nothing like the moonlight ride to spark zee romance. Now moi darling, let us embrace and kiss."

Seeing that she had not evaded the skunk, Penelope jumped out of the carriage and raced off. The frightened cat ran until she came to a river, where a boat was tied onto the shore. Penelope jumped into the boat, and began paddling down stream.

After ten minutes of rapid paddling, Penelope stopped; she must have left that crazy skunk far behind by now.

Suddenly, she heard a voice singing. "_I love vu dear; dearly I do_."

It was Pepe again, sitting in the back of the boat and playing a guitar. "Oh moi Cherie, this is the song that connects our hearts… and our l'amour."

Letting out a shriek, Penelope jumped out of the boat and swam back to shore.

As he watched his dream girl swim away, Pepe looked to the audience with a sigh. "Once again, zee love is hard…but still I persist. Viva l'amour!"

Penelope climbed onto shore and shook her fur dry. Still, she knew this was no ordinary skunk, and instantly raced off back into the forest. It wasn't long before Pepe rowed onto shore and began prancing after his 'timid' love.

The frightened cat, which was completely oblivious to the white line down her back, raced hard to get as much distance between her and Pepe. As Penelope streaked down the path, she passed a tree, where one of the world's most terrifying and scariest monsters was hiding; a werewolf. The half-man-half-wolf creature saw Penelope raced by, and was surprised by how fast she was going.

"Where are you my little lovebird," Pepe called out in a sing-song voice, as he hopped down the path after Penelope, "I am looking to find you you."

The werewolf, hearing Pepe's voice, peeked down the road and saw the love struck skunk coming. A sinister grin came to the fearsome wolf man's face; he planned to jump out and scare this poor, stupid, unsuspecting traveler. When this creature runs away in terror, he would chase after it, catch him, and devour him whole.

Pepe was almost near the tree; still calling out to his beloved. As soon as he passed the tree, the werewolf jumped out in front of him and, with raised claws, let out a vicious growl.

Hearing the growl, Pepe looked up at this strange creature; not showing the least bit of fear.

"Oh, pardon le moi monsieur," he said casually, "but have you by chance seen an attractive lady skunk about?"

The werewolf was surprised; why wasn't this creature running away in terror? Thinking he might have done something wrong, the werewolf made another growl; making sure to show off his sharp fangs.

Pepe just stood there unfazed. "Ah, I think I am seeing your problem monsieur. Pardon le moment."

As Pepe dug through his pockets (don't ask), the werewolf stood there, flabbergasted by how this creature wasn't scared. He breathed in, ready to give one more try at growling, but as he did, Pepe's stench entered his nose. The werewolf's face turned pure white, and his jaw dropped in shock. Then, the werewolf ran off in a puff of smoke; yipping like a scared little dog.

Not noticing his guest had just run out, Pepe pulled out a small container. "Here you are moi frère, le breath…mint?"

Pepe looked left and right, but he didn't see the werewolf anywhere. "Hmm, strange these foreign people."

With that, Pepe put away the container, and continued his search for Penelope.

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><p>While Pepe was occupied with werewolf, Penelope continued to race through the forest; making sure to keep distance between her and the skunk. Suddenly, she spotted a nearby house and rushed over to it; figuring it was the safest place to be in this case.<p>

Penelope raced into the house, and locked the door. Leaning against the door, Penelope gasped with relief; glad that she was finally safe. But then, a shadow crept over her and Penelope looked up see…Witch Hazel.

"Ah-ha, you came back," the witch cackled, "good. Now hold still; I don't want to burn your tail."

Penelope was paralyzed; she had completely forgotten about Witch Hazel. The frightened cat looked around, until she spotted a nearby mirror. Quickly, Penelope grabbed the mirror and held it in front of her like a broad shield.

Witch Hazel pointed her finger and fired a bolt at Penelope. The bolt hit the mirror and bounced back at the witch. The room was filled with light and smoke when the bolt hit the startled Witch Hazel. As the smoke cleared, Penelope peeked over her mirror to see what had happened. She saw with surprised, that the bolt had changed Witch Hazel from an ugly witch, into a voluptuously attractive female skunk as tall as her.

Penelope and the newly transformed Witch Hazel looked at each other in shock, neither saying a word. Suddenly, Penelope heard an all too familiar voice.

"Oh my little crepe suzette," called Pepe as he approached the house, "your lover Pepe is looking for you."

'Oh no,' thought Penelope in panic, as she quickly pushed against the door. The door swung open, and slammed Penelope into the wall.

"Where are you my little golden girl," Pepe sung out as he entered the house, "I am looking for you. I am…"

Pepe instantly stopped when he saw confused Hazel. He saw her luscious curves, her long soft tail, and her beautiful sapphire eyes; she was gorgeous.

"I am in love," Pepe said happily, as hearts filled his eyes.

In a flash, Pepe was holding Witch Hazel in his arms and kissing her. "Oh moi beauty, where have you been all of my life? You are zee rose to my bouquet, zee sun to my sky; we are destined to be together! Come with me to zee Cas Bar, we shall make beautiful music with our love."

Witch Hazel was silent with confusion, as Pepe continued to smother her with kisses. Then she saw the white stripe on his tail and saw this was a skunk. With a shriek of terror, Hazel slipped out of pepe's grasp and raced off.

Pepe saw this and sighed. "Once again, the chase of love continues; c'est la gar."

Peeking slowly from behind the door, Penelope watched as Pepe began prancing after Witch Hazel.

"Come back my Romanian ravisher," Pepe cried out, "zee love has only begun."

Witch Hazel didn't look back as she raced into her broom closet and hopped onto one of her magic broomsticks. Giving a quick command, the broom carried Hazel out of the closet and out a window into the night sky.

Hazel gave a sigh of relief as she flew through the sky; hopefully she was well away from that crazy skunk.

She gave a relieved backward glance, and instantly her eyes popped is disbelief. It was Pepe, flying behind her on a magic carpet.

"True, I do not have zee light brown hair," he said, glancing at the audience, "but, I am still dreamy, no?"

Hazel also glanced at the audience, and held up a sign. 'You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?'

* * *

><p>Back at the house, Penelope watched as Witch Hazel and Pepe Le Pew disappeared into the moonlit night. She gave out a sigh of relief; glad that she was finally free of danger.<p>

Turning to the audience, Penelope smiled. Then, she waved a hand above her and, in a flash of light, changed into…Porky Pig.

"Th-th-th-That's All Folks!"


End file.
